Did you finally get clean or are you using...?

When I was about eight years old, my dad bought three bikes, one for my two brothers and one for me. It was white with blue paint that faded from the front forks down half the frame. The wheels were painted white to match the latest trend in BMX bikes except for the training wheels that had to be placed on mine, so I could ride the present my dad bought me.  I remember my brothers taking off through the fields, climbing dirt hills, and riding through the creeks in the woods behind my uncle's house. Something I couldn't do with those pesky extra wheels I needed to keep my brand new bike from falling over with me on it.  

I would like to tell you that the reason I couldn't ride that bike without a little help was for some other reason than I was afraid of my new bike. I can't, because I was scared to death of it even when everyone would laugh at me including my brothers for not being able to ride that bike that was still as new as the day my dad brought it home. It wasn't until my stepdad talked to me about fear being the only thing I was afraid of and removed those training wheels from the bike that was identical to my twin brothers. I can still see him with his carefully removing the bolts that held those bike crutches on with a wrench he painted yellow so there would be no mistake on who the wrench belonged to.

After my stepdad removed my bicycle crutches, I stood for a couple of hours staring at my bike that didn't have a single scratch on it even though it was now about two years. While my stepdad patiently watched from the back patio door to see if I would put my fear behind me and ride away through the neighborhood with the rest of the kids. It wasn't until I noticed the smiles everyone had on their faces that I jumped on the back and pedaled just as hard as I could. I managed to make it about feet before losing my balance and fell onto the pavement that left a scratch on my knee.  Over the next several tries, I found myself able to go a little further with each attempt until finally, I was in the crowd of neighborhood kids who hated seeing the streetlights turn on since it meant we had to go home for the day.

I guess the reason I'm telling you this story is that lately, I've seen many people deciding for folks; they have never met what the definition of clean is. I've heard people say that you're not clean if you use Suboxone or Methadone as part of your recovery process. And even though I'm not a big fan of using them, I say if it helps you get through the day-to-day regret of being an addict, then go for it. Your recovery is yours and no one else's, so make sure you keep it that way.

Hope this helps
Your friend in recovery 

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